Easy Street vs Hard Road – Which Route Will You Choose?
Maybe it’s meant to be easy.
Sit with that a second. Now read it again.
Maybe it’s meant to be easy.
When I first read that in Danielle La Porte’s Spark Kit, I felt a whole range of emotions… relief, regret, sadness, joy and anger. Why? Well, because it uncovered a deep-seated, entirely unquestioned, core belief that life is hard, and if it isn’t hard, then you aren’t doing it properly!
You know, I can remember a conversation between my dad and I. I think I was pregnant with my 3rd baby in as many years and I was in the final year of my undergraduate degree. My dad looked at me, a skinny, pale and tired version of my former self, and said, ‘You know, when you were younger, I always thought that you’d choose an easy life for yourself.’
I’ve thought a lot about that admission from my father over the last couple of weeks. I remember feeling proud that I’d defied expectations, and I also felt a bit affronted that I’d ever given the impression that I was one who would seek an easy life. And now… well, now I’m kind of wondering why on earth I wouldn’t want an easy life.
You see, I think, as a society, we have convinced ourselves that if it isn’t hard, if it isn’t challenging, then it’s not worth aiming for in the first place. And I do actually think there’s a place for this…
When my beloved and I decided we would home educate our children, we knew that we were not choosing the easy option. We knew that by taking on the responsibility of our children’s learning we were taking on a huge challenge – one that we desperately hoped we could live up to. As it’s turned out, it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made as parents.
So, I can see that sometimes we can choose what appears to be the hard road, but when it’s in accordance with our values, it is often easier to choose this route than it is to choose otherwise.
However, another choice that I made to follow the hard road, was to embark upon my phd. Now, perhaps surprisingly, a lot less thought went into this decision. I found myself in a conversation at university one day where it was made abundantly clear that I was not expected to continue on from my masters degree to a phd.
Whether this was because of the standard of my work, a judgment on the nimbleness of my mind, or the fact that I was a home-educating mother of 3 in full-time education, I don’t know. But in the moment that followed the assumption, I knew I was going to complete my phd. It’s the old story – tell me I can’t do something and I’ll prove you wrong – with a cherry on top.
And yet, the phd was quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was a long slog that frequently made me question my intellect, my writing skills and my sanity. In retrospect, I got a huge amount out of following that path, but easy street, it was not!
So now, when I’m faced with that statement, ‘What if it’s meant to be easy’ something in my psyche shouts and wails and generally has a bit of a tantrum. Because if it’s meant to be easy, why oh why have I been making everything so hard for myself? If it’s meant to be easy, then I’m going to have to come up with a whole new way of measuring value – how will I know if something is worthwhile if it doesn’t feel like a struggle?
Anyway, I figured I’d give it a shot. I decided to make things easy for myself on Bloom by Moon and no longer release all the content on the same day – that deadline has been getting harder and harder to juggle. So I decided I was going to stagger the release of the content over the space of the lunar cycle.
Amazingly, members of the June circle responded to say how much easier this was for them!! Huh – so by making life easy for myself, I make it easier for others? Interesting!
So, I was really starting to come around to the idea of making things easy. And then I caught myself in a very familiar pattern of thought last night as I was making the dinner – isn’t that where so many of us do our best thinking? Either that or when we’re folding the laundry!
I was thinking about writing poetically and how much I enjoyed it. And then I caught myself thinking, ‘Oh, but I do find it a bit too easy. And that means that I’m probably doing it wrong. And maybe it means that what I’m writing is not as good as I think it is. And it probably means that it’s not real worthwhile work, because it’s just not a struggle for me…’
And on and on it went.
Then I stopped and laughed out loud – the kids thought I’d lost my marbles!
So yes, I’ve got a long way to go before I naturally choose the easy way and don’t beat myself up for choosing the hard way. But at least that deep-seated core-belief is being questioned now. There’s maybe hope for me yet…
What would easy look like for you? What’s stopping you from embracing it?
11 Comments
Rachel @ Suburban Yogini
This is a gorgeous post.
For years and years when I was dating, I always said that if it wasn’t easy, if it didn’t just happen organically it wasn’t meant to be.
But I made everything so complicated in other areas of my life. I tried too hard – flogged so many dead horses! I cannot believe it took me so long to realise that the same rule applies!
Joanna Paterson
I understand just what you mean Amy, I recognise the traits both in you, and me, and this is probably at least part of the reason we are friends!
I’m not sure it’s a choice between easy and hard though. Perhaps those of us with a tendency to perfectionism make things unnecessarily hard, and we need to learn there are things we can let go of that will not damage what matters and is important.
But is easy really the alternative?
Is the creative path easy?
Is sharing of yourself, honestly, authentically, easy?
Is faith easy?
Rhiannon
Hmmm…food for thought here ! I remember being struck by that phrase in the Spark Kit too (still want to call it Firestarter) And in the comments too.
I”m wondering about how I define easy . Because most things that have been worth doing for me , have not exactly been easy. Most do take a whole heap of work, effort, thought, time etc. But some things do FEEL easy -even when they involve all those things. I’m wondering if “easy” is where you get to once all the ground work has been done ?
I can identify feeling like that when I would be guiding a tour that I had done a few times before…the preparation was done and tested out a few times too. By then it all seemed to flow almost effortlessly.
Or when I was in the middle of my textile design phase. I was able to design a whole new range in 30 minutes. But only because of all the work that came before.
Is there a kind of easy that comes without all the effort beforehand ?
I do try to make it a habit these days to ask myself , when starting a task, if there is an easier way to accomplish the same result.
Emmanuelle
Oh my, such a gorgeous post.
I need to learn to make things easy for me, but… I’m in a position when taking the hard road means doing everything that’s in my power to change careers, and I’m working hard on it while keeping a job that still sustains me financially. In the end though, all of this will result in me having something that will be easier for me.
I’m not saying that self employment is easy in essence, but it will be the life I want, according to my core values.
Rebecca Leigh
I prefer the word ‘ease’ to ‘easy’ but I don’t disagree with a word you’ve said 🙂
I’m a relatively recent convert to the Faith of Ease, but my belief is growing every day. I practice and play with ease as much as possible!
Lorraine
Totally resonate! 🙂 I think people tend to wrestle with the word ‘easy’, seeing it as an excuse, something less than equal, letting the side down and all that. But what if you substitute the word ‘flowing’ instead? Water doesn’t struggle to get where it wants to go, it flows, it persists and ultimately wins – even if it has to gather its strength for a while. You wouldn’t say ‘This is too flowing’, you’d be delighted at the smoothness of the process. No struggle! 🙂
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Patty
Hi Amy – I recently discovered your blog and love your writing! I’ve finally come to a place of acceptance (most of the time) of both: easy and hard. Without one the other wouldn’t exist for me. One of the paradoxes of life I’m trying to live in. Once I heard someone describe a certain kind of hard, too: “good hard.” That certainly resonates for me. Some things are good hard (and no sexual innuendo intended here!). And it almost always helps me to ask, “how could I make this easier?” Somehow that keeps me grounded in the space in-between where both are true.
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Kylie
I do know that I’ve always thought things had to be hard, but I haven’t given a whole lot of thought to it, the way you have. I do find that when I encounter ease, which has been happening a lot recently (!), I immediately start looking for what’s wrong with this situation. I automatically assume that it’s too good to be true. Or that “the other shoe will drop”. It turns my world upside-down to think that things can be easy, but I think it’s a suuuuper worthwhile practice.