A Blog of My Own

I’m considering a redesign. Another one. My inner critic is having a field day.

She’s saying, ‘See! I told you that you were flighty! I told you that you can’t stick to anything, not even a website design! Honestly, if you change it now, everyone is going to see you for what you are – an inconsistent flake that can’t even commit to a colour palate.’

I’m currently tranquillising her with Earl Grey tea. I think it’s working… for the moment, at least.

So yes, I’m thinking about a website redesign. I liked this one when I created it and I felt at the time that it was right for me. Right for what I thought I wanted to focus on. Right for what I thought I wanted to write about.

But you see, beautiful, I have a habit of backing myself into a corner. Maybe you do this too? I decided on a target audience. I chose an aspect that me and my target audience had in common, and began to focus on that. What I didn’t realise was that bit by bit I was building fences around my writing. I thought I was channelling my words, when the truth was that I was blocking them.

After a while, I looked around and realised that I’d blocked myself out of my own website. I stopped sharing my writing here because I believed it wasn’t the right place. The right place? This site is amypalko.com, for goodness sake – how could this not be the right site for Amy Palko to share whatever she wants to!?

My frustration grew and grew until it reached a tipping point… and I started writing whatever I felt like. Just to get the words out. Just to let them flow from my fingers and find a home in this online space, this digital portion that I call mine.

In the two weeks that I have started posting here again, I finally feel as though I have broken through my resistance; I have removed the fences and I have begun to occupy my space again. And by ‘my space’, I’m not just referring to this site, of course – I’ve begun to live in my own skin. I’ve begun to step into my power as a weaver of words. I’ve found that room of my own.

So you see, my lovely, a redesign would be part of the process of reclaiming my digital home. I have little to no idea about how I want it to look. I have wisps of colour schemes, the vaguest notion of images. But what I do know is that I’m going to be stepping out from behind my faceless outlined logo.

The veils are falling away, and while that feels really quite terrifying, it also feels so full of promise.

Standing in my power. Leaning in. Breathing deep.