Clearly, Psyche And I Were A Mismatch – A Guest Post From Lori-Ann Claerhout

This guest post by Lori-Ann Claerhout is part of a series celebrating the My Word Goddess Readings by honouring the gifts of the goddesses that stepped forward in 2014….

Photo: My Word bracelet created by Two Sisters Handcrafted.

Let me start at the very beginning. I received my first goddess from Amy for 2013, and it was a wild year of transformation with Sedna at my hip. I had left a secure, well-paying (benefit-filled! And drudgery-tinged), day job of thirteen years with only a dream and imagination of how I would reinvent myself: from editor of undergraduate courses to. . . what? Of course, I looked to my Sedna for guidance, as she had moved through her disappointment and pain to create all sea life. With this water goddess as my model, I stumbled through professional identity crisis to slowly form intuitive guide offerings. It seemed right. Exciting, even: like creating life. Meanwhile, I couldn’t let go of my grip on a few writing and editing jobs. . . that were all struggle.

So, after 2013’s journey with Sedna, I was very excited to see who might step forward into 2014 with me.

And then I saw Psyche.

Psyche was the last goddess I wanted to have accompanying me. Psyche meant deep work! And precarious journeying. And dipping into the underworld. No! I railed against Psyche, and frankly, decided to “put her away for a while.”

As if I could do that.

Psyche, as I’ve come to learn quite deeply, isn’t only about Psyche. Psyche brings with her Aphrodite’s tasks, a deep journey to Persephone, manipulative sisters, and the shadowy presence of the seemingly unattainable beloved, Eros. The whole community is involved in this metamorphosis. This was not the kind of catastrophe I was after. I had been looking forward to a nice, quiet, supportive-from-the-wings kind of goddess in 2014.

As the new year opened her gusty doors, Psyche, as much as I tried to hide her away, presented me in the midst another transformation. I opened Soul Love, where I offered guide readings: working in the unknown, with a certain sureness. Without consulting Psyche, my word became a postmodern throwback to a ‘90s English Literature degree: [un]·know·n/ing. That is, all of knowing and unknowing and known and knowing. Together in confusing unity, barely able to look back on itself or forward to see its own face.

I ignored Psyche. And toiled with a large pile of tasks in front of me. How would I discern right methods from all the others? Who should I follow? Which paths should I look down? Sigh. I continued to ignore. How could Psyche help? On my writing and editing jobs, it became clear that it would take some cunning to find anything good about them. Really: it only happened once they had all but dried up. Still, I could do this without Psyche. It must have been a mis-match. Clearly, Amy hadn’t quite identified the correct goddess for me this year. I carried on. It became summer. While floating in a glacial Canadian lake in August, bobbing on a cedar log, an eagle flew over, and I knew it was time to slow Soul Love. Nothing to do with Psyche. By fall, I was involved in so many volunteer positions that I couldn’t blink without toppling stacks of receipts needing payment and files needing organizing. My own psyche dipped into the lowlands. Buckets of tears later, I realized that I could say no. I could extract myself from these jobs that paid me back in little other than confusion and worry. Ever think to call on Psyche, my goddess? Nope.

And, here we are at another transition. Dreaming ahead to the promise of a new season, I thought, “Why not check back on Psyche? See how wrong she was for me, and move forward into a bright 2015.”

I started reading. Uh-huh, Psyche, human, falls for a god, makes the mistake of looking at him, has to perform some tasks. Right. In Amy’s words, “Together, the tasks taught Psyche discernment (seeds), empowerment & wisdom (fleece), distance/objectivity (spring water), and the art of saying no (Under- world). . . . Psyche teaches us how not to lose ourselves to our emotions, how to retain a sense of perspective that allows us to continue to make conscious choices, and how to survive a metamorphosis of self.”
Jaw. On. Floor.

That was it. Exactly. Psyche’s story summed up my year. My journeying, unknowing-yet-known year of toil and emotion and distancing and learning to stand for who and what I am. To find perspective. And, really, to survive the metamorphosis of self. Soul work. To learn that when I think I know: maybe I can still ask for help. Perhaps I could call on the support of the goddesses: most particularly, the ones who deliver themselves at my feet.

And here I stand, now, in full public apology to Amy, to myself, and to Psyche: that the biggest part of my goddess journey this year was to actually let her in.

When Lori Claerhout was forty years old, she began to really see possibilities in the unknown. She realized that all of those years of planning and following other people’s rules didn’t make for a fulfilling life, and couldn’t stop listening to the call of whims.

And the rest. . . is history.

As a writer and intuition-listener, she’s deeply passionate about making it easier to fail. Lori believes that failure is the most under-celebrated part of the creative process, and also, the most essential.

When she’s not chasing whims, you can find Lori swimming, cross-country skiing, cooking up delicious meals with Mike and walking the trails with her dog Bruno.

Also. . . you’ll find Lori on instagram as @loriclaerhout, intuiting at soullove.ca, and cooking up new adventures at the half-baked loriclaerhout.com.

Are you ready to meet your goddess of 2015? Do you long to know which goddess will be guiding you throughout the coming months? To find out, book your reading now –2015 My Word Goddess Readings. Available for a limited time only.