Time for something new…

It feels like a long time since I wrote here. For some reason, my feeling was that I had created a room of my own, and then somehow lost the key. So that instead of this being a place to write, it became an inaccessible realm where potential was locked in, and emptiness and silence ruled together – side by side. I have staged various quests to break through and begin (although I must admit, they were with only half a heart), but this time, it doesn’t feel like a quest. It feels like a very quiet homecoming. Like I’ve simply found the key after rummaging around the bottom of my handbag, placed it in the lock, and turned…

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As 2016 drew to a close, I began to wonder what my “word-of-the-year” might be. Over the past 12 months, I’d been working with the word RELEASE – a word I chose for one purpose and which, in turn, revealed many others. It became a touchstone, a mantra, a heart-anchor when I needed it most. And it became a source of resistance and frustration and fatigue. I am glad to release it as I turn the page and inhale the fresh air of 2017.

So, this year, I have been more cautious with my choice. I journaled, asked questions, felt into the various aspects of my life, interpreted my dreams, read the stars as they crossed the skies of my astrological chart, drew the oracle cards and communed with goddesses. And the word I chose was… CRAFT.

In my journal, I wrote these words…

2017 looks as though it is being lived by one who says she cares about living both the depth and the breadth – and backs that up by daily action. She practices that which she has consciously chosen to devote herself to. She walks, she dances, she stretches, she moves. She creates every day and shares her creativity freely without inhibition. She works on her art – her writing, her photography, her knitting, her astrology, her music. In fact, she has made a commitment at the beginning of the year and has crafted her creative expression according to that commitment. And as such, she feels well met by herself in her daily life. She knows that a life is composed of the daily incidents, practices, occurrences, and she is devoted to developing an inspired and vital presence in her relationship to the everyday.

This declaration feels like commitment, it feels like devotion, it feels like progress, it feels like honouring my one wild and precious life.

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And so with this commitment comes the desire to document and share my process through 2017 with a 365 challenge. I don’t think I’ve ever tried a 365 challenge before – the kind where you commit to doing something relatively specific every day for a year. And, I will admit to being daunted by the prospect. But I also feel like it’s time. It’s time for something new.

It is with this sense of knowing that I challenge myself to write a post here every day for 2017, in full knowing that there will be days when I don’t feel like it, days when I feel like I have nothing of value worth saying, and days when I feel like it would be easier to just not post. That said, there will be no forcing. There will only be a simple turning to the keyboard and being with the part of myself that I choose to express on any given day.

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A letter written by myself to myself – to be read at times when I need to reconnect with why I’m doing this, why it’s important, and why it’s worth my while…

Dear Amy
You chose the word CRAFT for 2017, and while it has proved a strong focus and touchstone for you, you have also been reminded that mastering a craft is not always easy and requires dedication, devotion, discipline, determination. It asks that you show up to the plate even when you don’t feel like it. I want to tell you that every time you showed up when you didn’t feel like it, was worth the effort. Every time you wanted to numb out, go unconscious, slip out of presence and into habitual ways of being, and instead chose a different path of intention, inspiration, beauty and truth, it was worth it. And this is not to say there is not time or space for reverie and rest – these are *essential*. Instead you are crafting a life that honours each of these aspects of life – and that, my love, is the difference. Live the difference. You’ve got this. Just make more choices, with the main choice to be here now. Choose to be here now and now and now.
Love you
Amy
xxxx

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With some trepidation it is that I near the end of this first post, and ready to press “Publish”. To announce this personal challenge in this way brings a level of accountability to my choices. By lifting the veil and bringing visibility to my commitment, I am not only stating my intention to see it through, but I risk exposing my failure to be constant, consistent, true. I am put into acute relationship with my own vulnerability, and already I am asking myself questions of what to share and what to keep hidden, what intimacies to invite and what to protect.

But now I see I am stalling… I need to just publish this post – the first of 365. Let us see where 2017 leads…