The Royal Wedding: An Archetypal Marriage
At the start of this year I sat and planned out the schedule of goddesses that I was going to focus on in my online learning community, Bloom by Moon. Month by month I allocated goddesses, trying to ensure I had a good mix, attentive to the need to categorise them according to lifestages (maiden, lover, mother, crone). I was quite happy with what I had in place, and, up until now, it’s worked out just like I planned.
So this month I was all set to write Inanna’s story – that wonderful Sumerian goddess*, but I was getting a growing conviction that she was the wrong goddess for this month. The goddess who was all but shouting at me that it was her turn was Hera.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when my intuition calls this loudly to me, I pay attention.
And yet, it was only on Thursday that I realized just why it was so important to look at Hera’s story this coming lunar cycle. I had spent the morning working on writing up her story for Bloom by Moon, when it clicked that the next day was the royal wedding. As Hera is the goddess of marriage, I had a bit of a chuckle at the synchronicity, and then went back to my work.
That evening I watched a documentary about William and Kate’s relationship and I had one of those moments where Hera’s story, and why it is so important right now, all clicked into place.
In the documentary we heard about how Kate and William met at St Andrews university, and how she was really quite shy and reserved, and that it took quite a while for them to get to know one another. At university, they lived in a kind of bubble – the media kept their distance, so they could enjoy a more normal life than they ever would in the future.
After university, they moved down to London, and the media attention grew exponentially. William started on a military career, but Kate seemed a little lost – a little unsure of how to identify herself. And then, perhaps inevitably, they split up. While it was only for a couple of months, it was a significant separation, because when they got back together, she had a new-found confidence, a new grace. Something that was very much in evidence at the wedding…
So, how does this relate to Hera? Well, Hera started out as a maiden goddess. She was complete within herself and happy in her independence. She had a clear sense of who she was. Then Zeus came into the picture, and following their marriage, she no longer had a clear identity, rather she found her identity through him. She saw them as two halves of the same whole, rather than as whole within herself.
In Hera’s story, she suffers from betrayal and humiliation as Zeus embarks on a number of affairs, but really, if we look at the gods and the goddesses as representing the various parts of ourselves, we can see that Hera really betrayed herself by investing her sense of self in a relationship with another. Eventually though, Hera grew weary, and removed herself from Zeus and Mt Olympus. She retired and took the time to rediscover who she was, to remember her identity.
When Zeus pleads for her to return to him, she does so, but now they enjoy a marriage of equals – no longer two halves of a whole, but as two individuals that exist within a loving partnership.
This narrative arc of a woman who falls in love, loses herself in a relationship, withdraws to reassert a sense of self and then returns with a new confidence in her identity and can now hold her own, is perfectly illustrated in both Hera and in Kate. And I think, when you look at your own relationships, and the relationships of those around you, you may see a similar pattern. It is certainly not uncommon for a woman to invest her entire self into a relationship, only to realize later that she has done herself a disservice.
In fact, a movie that perfectly shows this too is The Runaway Bride. Julie Roberts plays a woman who continually gets engaged and then jilts her lover at the altar. Richard Gere plays a journalist who decides to cover her story for the publication he works for and ends up falling in love with her. Not surprisingly perhaps, she jilts him too. And then she goes through a period of withdrawal where she actively tries to figure out what she does and doesn’t like. She goes on her own journey of personal discovery. It is only once she has done this, that the film moves towards the inevitable climax of the marriage between them.
Have you experienced this narrative for yourself? Or have you, perhaps, recognized this narrative playing out in the relationships of others? Please do feel free to leave a comment and join in the conversation – I’d love to hear from you!
* Inanna’s Story is still on the cards – I haven’t jilted her! 😉
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If you want to read the full narrative and explore Hera’s story through a number of journal prompts along with a whole lot of other lovely stuff, please do check out Bloom by Moon. I’ll by launching the new content, including Hera’s Story, on Tuesday 3rd May.
Oh, and if you enjoyed this article, you may want to check out some others!
9 Comments
Ann
My mother was exactly how you described. She was a shy, small town girl from a poor family. She won a beauty contest, but could only afford to further herself through community college. She met and married my father, a very committed, goal-oriented, handsome man. She devoted 30 years of her life supporting his career/goals and often telling me of her regrets that she did not go to college, that she was not in a sorority, etc.; comparing herself to her peers and failing miserably in her mind. My father became a Lieutenant General (that’s 3 stars) and much of his success could be attributed to the wonderful social support provided by my mother. She was often compared to Jackie Kennedy, both because of looks and ladylike grace.
So far, it seems peachy keen, however, to achieve some relaxation in the midst of a competitive environment (the military) my father introduced my mom to alcohol. It became a standard practice in the house – every evening. As the alcohol took over my mother’s life (alcoholism runs in her family), my father found other sources of comfort. One thing led to another and after retirement, there was no role for my mother, she was a full blown alcoholic, my father, always a driven, goal oriented man, was off merrily down the road to his second career, unable to handle my mother’s issues, my mother had no core identity of her own, nothing to hang on to and the obvious happened. They divorced.
Like Hera and Kate, my mother had to find herself after the divorce. It was a very very long and bumpy process. However, she did pretty well and managed to forge a comfortable and enjoyable life for herself. However, unlike Hera and Kate, there was no reconciliation with my father. No coming together as wholes. At times of crisis for me, they did come together as parents, but never beyond that. It was sad, but right up until the day my father died, my mother was still holding out hope that he would come back to be with her. She even died regretting that he never did
So my question is . . . if that longing to come back together is that strong, does that mean she never really achieved the total confidence and knowledge of who she is??
Curious
Amy
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us so generously, Ann. It does indeed sound as though your mother’s narrative mirrored that of Hera’s, in that she entered into a marriage, and lost her sense of who she was outside of her role as her husband’s wife.
I don’t think that her longing for a reunion with your father would, in and of itself, show that she never achieved confidence and self-knowledge. After all, we can desire something without allowing it to define us. In the narrative of Hera, she very much desires a reunion with Zeus, but only after she has rediscovered and asserted her individuality.
I suppose the key aspect of the myth is Hera’s movement from an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one via the route of self-discovery. But no matter how many times this narrative is repeated and lived through, as illustrated by your mother’s experience, that process of self-discovery will present itself differently according to each individual undertaking that journey.
In other words, total confidence and self-knowledge will always be subjective, and it is really not possible to judge or measure the degree of ‘success’. I would say, however, that it sounds as though your mother managed to turn her life around in such an admirable way – a truly remarkable woman – and I am so grateful that you chose to share her story here.
Thank you!
Amy
xx
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Lorraine
I can relate to the archtype of Hera in both my own marriage and my mother’s. When dad died, she changed her first name, started going to clubs and ended up with a divorced man! Her generation was expected to give their all to the marriage and she always regretted giving up her career as a governess, encouraging me to have my own money and develop my own career. When I married, I went through a ‘perfect wife’ then ‘perfect mother’ phase and my husband still says he married a totally different woman than the one he thought he was… We’ve been married for over 20 years and last year, I almost took the separation route. I’ve been pulled toward developing my own identity for most of our marriage and today, I find myself investing more and more in my own strengths, recognising his support and strength behind me. We are, indeed, becoming two indivdiuals in a loving relationship. 🙂
Amy
Thank you so much for sharing that, Lorraine – and I love that you can map your own narrative and your mother’s to that of Hera. I really do think it is such a powerful story that continues to reflect women’s experience of relationships. It makes me feel sorrier than ever that she has been reduced to this melodramatic image that we have of her.
Amy
xx
Amy Oscar
I was deeply moved by the royal wedding this week. More moved, I suspected, watching it, than I ‘should’ have been. This alerted me: there is guidance here. Your insightful post has my gears turning again. I would add to this brilliant mix of present day and mythic archetypes, today’s top news stories. 1) The ‘king’ of the US and the clown king (or court jester, Donald Trump locked in a fabricated made-for-media humiliation match, leading to the forced presentation of papers of authentication, begging the same question: Who is the true king? 2) The killing of the elusive other shadow king, Osama Bin Laden.
I am fascinated that these three stories are playing out at once, as if on the same stage. Like a Shakespeare play with three acts; complete with a murder in the middle of the night; and a bit of buffoonery.
Anna
Hi Amy, this is the first time I visit your website and I found it while looking for information about priestesses of Freya… but it seems THIS article was an important factor in my finding my way to your site!
The thing is that I am just about to leave my partner with whome I’ve shared life during the last five years, and move out on my own. And even if I’m actually not certain that I do at all want to come back to him, I can still see that it is out of necessity to find my true self that I do this. I tend to think that the relationship in itself is unfulfilling, or that my partner is not really a good person for me to be with – but the thing is that, although I still do feel he needs to deeper work on himself, I CAN acknowledge that he is somehow true to himself whereas I have given myself up a little too much for the sake of the relationship… It is funny also because my partner even IS a Sagittarius (ruled by Jupiter/Zeus). And I think I carry some traits of Hera in my psychological make-up.
I can see that he actually encourages me to do the things that I need and want to do to feel fulfilled – but I feel I cannot really do them if I at all am in this relationship – because a too big part of my energy still does go into the relationship…. So there is work for me to do, absolutely. And although, like I mentioned, I am not at this point really planning that we should get back together – somewhere I do feel open to it.
And this article helped me in realising that! So thank you so much for providing it, Amy :). I’m really enjoying your website and shall look forward to reading more of your material!
Blessings,
Anna
Amy
Oh, Anna, I’m so glad that you found your way to this post, and I feel deeply touched that it resonated with you and what you are currently experiencing.
Coming back to centre is such a gift to give ourselves, but I think it’s important to recognise that we don’t always need to separate from our lovers, our families, our friends to do this. In fact, we often find that these people are our biggest supporters – they’ve been wanting us to give this precious gift to ourselves for years!
I think recognizing openness is such an important step, and I’m sending you so much love for taking it.
Amy
xx
Karen
Oh Amy, I recognise this situation so well in my daughter whose hopes and dreams have taken a back seat so that she can have a relationship with someone who, while not treating her badly, does not treat her the way she deserves. She is unable/unwilling to see that she deserves so much more. Fortunately she is still young (21) and I can only hope and pray that she comes to see that her relationship is not one of equals and takes steps to redress this balance. Thank you Amy x