Quickening Moon – Gestation

original image by Tom Cuppens

Curled up in a tight ball, I desperately try to ignore the nausea which has relentlessly dogged my every waking moment for weeks now. I squeeze my eyes tight shut and recite pop song lyrics in my head over and over and over in my effort to transcend my morning sickness.

Morning sickness – that’s a laugh. My nausea hasn’t left me alone for even a moment since the 6th week of my pregnancy. And there’s a very small voice, the one that’s just so tired and so fed up, the one whose very presence fills my heart with shame, that whispers, ‘Maybe it’s not worth it, after all….’

I roll over onto my other side as I attempt to sweep away the trace this voice has left on my consciousness, and then stop. I lie stock still, somewhere between positions of comfort, as confusion, surprise and awe pass through me in quick succession. The tiniest of butterfly flutters stirs deep down in the core of my being.

My senses creep out towards this flutter, trying to investigate whether it was real or just imaginary. Nothing. I sigh, and settle into a semblance of comfort, pulling the duvet up over my head. Here, in the dark, the butterfly flutters again and this time I know it’s not a fantasy. This time, I know that it’s my baby. I also know that I’ll never hear that small voice with its shameful whispers ever again.

Even though this moment occurred over thirteen years ago now, it remains vividly present in my memory. My baby is almost a teenager now, and yet I can almost feel the ghost of that butterfly flutter hidden deep within my belly.

And I’m reminded of this moment now, as I reflect on the significance of the Quickening Moon, that time of year when the first signs of life can be felt, even if they’re not quite ready to be born yet. Held safe, nurtured, cradled in the world’s womb, the seeds of life are beginning to make their presence felt. They’re signalling to us that they are here, and that, even although we can’t see them yet, they are on their way.

It makes me think of all the plans I’ve been making, the dreams I’ve been dreaming, those small thoughts of what could be that tug gently at the very edges of my consciousness. Their presence in my life is absolute and when they stir, my whole body stills to appreciate their movements.

It’s with the energy of this moon we are offered the opportunity to connect with that which is stirring, fluttering, quickening deep within our creative spaces. To find an outer stillness which allows us access to our inner movement. Plant your seeds of intention and feel them spark into life.

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