5 (Early Day) Summer of Self Lessons

So, the family has now flown to Australia, and I am sitting in a very quiet apartment with none of the usual hustle or bustle that ordinarily surrounds me. It’s been an interesting couple of days since they left, and I wanted to share with you some of what I’ve learned in my Summer of Self so far…

1. I have no idea how to do a food shop for one person, let alone how to cook for one.

I visited the supermarket today to buy supplies as my kitchen looks like it belongs more to old Mother Hubbard than to myself. And I must admit that I got a little carried away.

I started walking up and down the aisles thinking, ‘Ooh, I like those. And those. Ooh and I never buy those cos I’m the only one who likes them. And look! – these are on a 3 for 2 offer so I’ll just get 3 of them.’ I am, after all, introducing myself to my soft animal – and apparently my soft animal wants lots of fresh produce!

By the time I found myself at the checkout, I had a mountain of groceries. I then retraced my steps putting food back, before making my way home with still far more food than one person requires.

The food saga is to be continued…

2. Friends are truly one of life’s most precious gifts. Miss Julie Gibbons – take a bow!

After swithering over whether to go to the airport or not, I eventually decided to see my family off at the departures lounge. It was difficult and sad. I did a fair amount of crying. Once we had hugged and kissed and told each other how much we loved them, they left and I shut myself in the ladies toilet and sobbed.

Once I pulled myself together I treated myself to a Caramel Macchiato and waited, because my beautiful friend Julie Gibbons and her lovely family were coming to pick me up.

It was raining torrentially, and yet they still came, scooped me up and sped me back to their home, where I was treated to copious amounts of tlc and tea.

I truly cannot thank Julie, Martin & Ruaridh enough – stars, all three of them!

3. You can get a *lot* done in a short space of time when you’re not home-educating and mothering 3 kids.

I will admit that generally I’m quite a busy lady. There’s always stuff going on and I am always juggling about a dozen different demands. I love the kids to pieces, but there are not enough hours in the day to do everything that I want/need to do for them, let alone enough for me to fit in what I want/need to do for myself.

Today has been amazing just because I’ve not felt rushed or harried, and yet, I’ve got a huge amount done. And the day’s not over yet!

I’m beginning to get a taste of just how productive this summer could be….

4. Self-rationing is ingrained, but can be remedied with large doses of self-kindness.

This, perhaps above all others, is something I’m really struggling with. I’ve begun to notice that at every opportunity I will instinctively choose the more self-punishing of the options. Because I’m noticing this tendency, it has meant that I can now change the pattern and choose differently, but I’m still astonished at my natural instinct to make life as hard and as joyless as possible.

This is definitely something that I’m going to be continuing to explore over summer.

5. Silence and I have never been friends and I’m not ready yet to be on speaking terms with it. But I will someday soon.

Why is it soooo quiet!?  I just cannot get used to it. And yet, I know I will get used to it. Perhaps even too used to it, so that when the family returns I’ll probably be deafened by them.

Silence – you and I will have much to do with one another over the next 7 weeks. And while that stirs a panic deep in my belly, I have a feeling that you and I might become friends at some point over the summer.

So that’s the first of what I expect will be many Summer of Self lessons. I’m leaning into it though, and I’m finding that I can cope. I miss my children and my beloved dreadfully, but I’m managing – and even more than that, in the company of my friends and myself, I am finding joy.