Reading Resistance

This is the final post in my Summer Read-Along series on Audrey Niffenegger’s The Time Traveler’s Wife; it was supposed to go up tomorrow, but due to weekend plans, I’m posting it a bit early! To post a comment or add a link please scroll down…

It’s funny, because this isn’t the final post I envisioned for this series at all. I had thought that I’d probably write something along the lines of long-lasting love, or maybe the pain of grief and loss, or even a meditation on patience.

But instead, I find that I am writing about resistance. My own resistance, to be exact.

You see, when I first read this book, I was completely at the mercy of emotions greatly stirred by Henry & Clare’s story. This time round, I’ve felt similar stirrings, as well as an absolutely resistance to giving myself over to the story. And it makes me wonder whether this is my heart’s way of protecting itself…

I’ve found the last couple of weeks really quite difficult in a number of ways, and have often felt a bit weepy and sad. I’m missing my family enormously. In fact, there are no words to describe the feelings I’m experiencing over their prolonged absence.

In all honesty, I feel that I simply cannot bear to take on the sorrow of Clare, our eponymous time traveler’s wife. And while I am a huge advocate for deeply feeling your feelings, for leaning into life rather than away, I find that I have a resistance  to fully enveloping myself in this narrative, which feels very necessary to respect.

To say that this has come as a shock to me is putting it mildly. As I said up front, this is not the post I expected to be writing. I have really enjoyed writing the posts that I’ve shared on the story here, and I’ve absolutely loved reading the responses of others as they’ve engaged with the story of Henry & Clare. But I recognize now that I may have bitten off more than I could chew…

Dealing with my own emotions has been more than enough for me without trying to grapple with the emotions of fictional characters.

Strangely enough, to have found this point of resistance in myself, feels like a gift. I think it’s just so important to be able to recognize when we don’t wish to receive something, and to honour that wish. I think the experience of re-reading The Time Traveler’s Wife has, perhaps, brought me to a whole new level of self-respect.

By honouring my resistance, I have come back to centre.

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